new blog

I haven't been loving blogger lately.  I am not sure why.  A lot of it is probably that it is blocked at work so I can't really do much with it.  I am not huge on the templates.  I dunno... I guess it just got old.  Maybe it's like my candy thing... I have a new favorite every year or two.  I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm breaking up with Blogger.  I do have a new favorite blog "flavor" though so come check me out here!!

at least I didn't get shanked

"love" written backwards with a sparkler last fall.  I miss warm weather!

I got up this morning on my own without an alarm clock.  The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, it was 75 degrees.  I ate my normal pre-run fuel of bread with PB and headed out.  Every second of every mile for all twenty miles was butterflies and marshmellows and I basically pranced the whole way.  When I got home my sweat smelled like roses and there wasn't a single pain anywhere on my body.  And my dogs had cleaned up the five months of crap all over my back lawn.

Not.

My alarm went off for a half hour before I crawled out of bed and recited every swear word I know.  I opened the fridge and we have no bread to I had to scrounge up something else to fuel with, wondering if I was going to barf two miles in.  It snowed yesterday because Mother Nature is a jerk so I decided to do my run on the treadmill.  I was excited, because I actually do like the treadmill.  That is until I got there and the two freaky lookin' ladies on the treadmills next to me were discussing the "bitch they beat half to death" and how furious they still were today.  I knew I should have worn my bullet proof vest.  Lucky for me I never made it to two miles to see if I barfed.  I was at .85 when my hip told me to get bent and it was done running for the day.  Awesome.  I took all week off, and it still hurts.  Pretty please get better by April 16.  Since I have been wanting to do cross training for about three months now anyways, because I KNOW it helps prevent injuries but I have just been too lazy, I decided to do that.  I did five miles on the bike then lifted weights for 40 minutes.  It actually felt really good, and I wish I could get my butt out of bed to do it regularly like I want to.  I guess if I am still hurting next week I will just do that instead of running.  Then I got home smelling horrible and realized the chocolate milk went bad two days ago, I ache all over, and I still have all winters worth of dog crap to clean up.  Yay me.

I am very thankful for last week.  I am still feeling confident that I can do this and feeling really good about my training, thanks to last weeks 18 miler going so great.  I just hope my hip isn't still hurting me on race day.  Even if it decides to hurt up until the day before I will forgive it.  But I really don't want to hobble 26.2 miles.  I would love it if my very first marathon wasn't horrible.

pain

The soreness in my hip turned to horrible pain last night.  I am pretty freaked out, and I really want to run.  I haven't ran one time this week.  I won't run tomorrow because it's the day before a 20 miler.  I hope I don't die when I try to run after not running for so long.  Last long run of this training session!!  It feels so, so good.  Three weeks seems like such a long time to taper, I was thinking two would be plenty.  I thought about doing a 22 a week from Saturday but after all this pain and soreness I have decided not to.  You'd think less running would mean less food and less sugar.  I should probably eat some more of these veggies, and a little less girl scout cookies, but the voices in my head do not agree.  I had an oreo shake with dinner last night.  The voices said I had to if I wanted to live.

wednesday

If this isn't Heaven I don't know what is.  York, baby.  I've been addicted lately.

Is it really only Wednesday??  This week hasn't been too bad.  One of the contractor employees ran out of work so she has been at my desk working with me, doing some things I haven't had time to do.  She is my age and really cool.  I have a work buddy!  This has never happened.  Usually I'm surrounded by people twice my age, and mostly they come from the male species.  Exotic, right?

I am pretty bummed about training this week.  It is my last high mileage week and I am sucking it up.  I was supposed to do 8 today but the knee is still swollen.  It doesn't hurt so I should probably just do it, but I am so scared to get injured.  I'm ready to kill this marathon.  I am so excited for it!  I'm sure you can't tell, I rarely ever talk about it...

I have a paranoia with locking doors, windows, etc.  Every.  Single.  Time.  It's an OCD thing.  So bad that I lock myself out quite often.  Yesterday before work I was scraping snow off my car.  On my way home I had the sun roof open and I was sweating.  I love Utah.  I somehow managed to forget to close the sun roof.  The first time I ever do this is the first time in six years I haven't been able to park in a garage.  Really?  If there is one thing I always get right, it is timing.  My mom had two days to move out of her place and needed somewhere to store her things.  My garage is full so until April 1st I will be parking in the driveway.  I have gotten too used to being spoiled.  My car has been miserable every day this week.  Especially today.  And you can't go out and start your car in your underpants without your garage shielding you from the outside world.  I guess you could.  But I hear it's frowned upon.  Society is so touchy.

18 miles makes me too lazy to blog

For three days apparently.  18 miles in 3:14:38!  My goal was three hours, but I forget that it takes so much longer when I have to stop for lights.  It'll be nice when I have my Garmin and the timer stops when I do.  This run was GREAT!  I felt horrible when I woke up.  My back was achy and I really thought about just staying home.  It's harder for me to get motivated when my husband is home too.  I'd rather lay in bed with him all day.  I made myself go and told him to expect a call soon to come get me if it hurt too much.  As soon as I was on the road all pain was gone!  The first 16.5 miles were cake.  I felt like I could run allll day long.  I stopped and got water around the half way point and I thought I'd be good to go until I got home.  About a mile and a half out I stopped to get water.  I don't know if it was stopping, or if it was the gas stations fridges being as cold as Texas in the summer time, but I had the hardest time getting going again.  I was craving an ice cold water and I got handed room temperature crap.  I almost gave up at that point but I had to finish.  If I could run that far I could finish.  I had to walk way too much and I wanted to cry, but I made it!!  I made it in high, freezing winds with warm water.  18.1 miles.  I am definitely feeling pretty good about the marathon.  I would be feeling better if I was sticking to training more, but it's been rough.  My knee was pretty swollen on Sunday and Monday so I decided to take an extra rest day.  It was still swollen this morning and I am too scared of injury at this point so I decided to wait some more.  It looks a lot better today though and I'm thinking I'll be back at it in the morning.  This is my last high mileage week and then I start my taper.  20 miles this Saturday and after that it's all easy.  I got this.  My goal for the 20 miles is 3 hours again.  If I can do 20 in three hours I should be able to do the last 6.2 in an hour. 

After this first marathon I am going to start doing some speed and tempo training until the next marathon.  That way I can get my speed up and make each marathon faster than the last.

One of the biggest things I was excited about having time off for is wife-ing.  Sunday I really cleaned our house for the first time this year.  I only had time for the kitchen, dining room, and living room which is pretty sad.  This weekend I'll be doing everything else, and SCRUBBING everything down.  I even made my lover a nice spaghetti dinner with some huckleberry wine.  It's nice feeling productive and helpful again.  I guess I should probably wash my hair today and I may as well scrub my shower while I'm in there.  Or we will just hire a maid.  I'm fine with either.

Yesterday I was eating breakfast--a banana with PB.  My friend Ken walked up and said it was nasty and he'd never seen anybody do that before.  I am convinced he lives under a rock.

For the first time in four years I have a real supervisor.  It freakin' blows!  I have been my own boss for so long, I know what I am doing and what needs to be done.  I come when I am supposed to and leave when my shift is over.  It's been fabulous.  Starting this week I feel like I am being babysat, I have to check in, I have to explain to her what I am doing, and I get checked on a few times a day.  I know I am being a whiner.  Big time.  Most people have to deal with having a boss.  It's just that I haven't had to and now I feel like I did something wrong to deserve this.  I feel like I'm being attacked each time she asks me what I've done for the day.

Anybody wanna make bets on my finishing time on April 16?
If you say under four hours I will luff you forever.

Do you put peanut butter on your fruit too?
Always.  Breakfast every morning is fruit and PB.

Do you like your job?
I haven't for about two years now.

self image

via
There was a picture similar to this in my Runner's World magazine, except it was a man and the picture was a cartoon.  Same idea though.  It made me smile because it's so true.  I liked it so much that I cut it out and hung it on my mirror to remind myself to stop being so hard on myself.  It's not just weight either.  It's acne, the size of my nose, the whiteness of my skin, the length of my hair... whatever.  It can be ANYTHING.  We are all too hard on ourselves!!  Let's all be positive!  Comment and tell me something you love about yourself today!!

I'm feeling a lot better today.  I've cheered up quite a bit.  Maybe it's knowing that it's Friday, but whatever it is, it's working.  I'm so excited for my run tomorrow.  I'm a little nervous because I'm a sissy about the cold.  55 degrees sounded decent, but now it's supposed to be really windy.  Temperatures are getting up there and I am so thrilled for Spring!  Today I get my hair done and then I am running to the local bakery to put in for a contest to win a free entry into the Ogden Marathon!  I really want to do this one, but they are already full, so this is my only chance.  I'll probably stop and grab a coffee too because my favorite coffee place is right down the road.  I don't see what the big deal is about Starbucks...  I don't really care for it.  Then I get to go visit my friend Ashley and her sweet little boy.  Terrible twos are coming up so I better visit while he's still an angel.  I bet I'd feel better about having a baby if my husband would take care of it until it's around four or five.  All babies hate me.  Toddlers are my best friends.  Maybe it's because I'm a four year old stuck in an adult body?  When I get home tonight my lover has a surprise planned for me!  Surprises are my favorite.

Saint Patrick's Day was a lot of fun!  We went to the bar and hung out for a couple hours.  The Budlight aluminum cans were green with clovers on them, and I vote they sell them like that daily.  They were so much cuter!  But we all know I was just there for the food.  Black bean and chicken nachos baby!  Does anybody else hate when they call them nachos, but all they have is grated, melted cheese?  Give me some NACHO cheese!

Happy Friday!  Why do you love Fridays?
What do you love about yourself?
What did you do for Saint Patrick's Day?
What's your favorite coffee shop?

I lied

I lied to you.  Me running 5.5 miles in 32:29 is ridiculous.  I meant to say 42:29.  My goal was 42:30 for five miles, so I am still stoked.  32 woulda been cool though.  One day.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!  I love love love this holiday.  I buy a new pair of socks to celebrate each year.  I am obsessed with the color green, so I assume everybody wearing green is just for me, no?  And I am married to a leprechaun.  I mean a man with Irish heritage.  Whateva.  Same difference.  When I call him leprechaun I'm pretty sure he wants to choke me just a little.  I can see it in his eyes.  Mmmm I love that red head.

I finished school last night!  Actually I finished Monday, because all I did yesterday was eat pizza and three cookies.  A girl from class brought in cookies shaped like blood collection tubes.  Appetizing right?  I thought so.  And they were soooo good.  I wanted to make a cool cake, but I am too busy.  I applied for the radiology program so if I get in I will be starting on May 12th.  Keep your fingers crossed for me mmmkay?

I am really trying to cheer up today.  I have been in a funk for about a week now.  I don't even want to eat lately which is extremely weird.  Food is usually the equivalent of air to me.  I couldn't figure out why, but I realized this morning it's probably my hormones.  I've been on birth control so long that my body is probably wondering what the freak is going on.  That and watching my Nanna die.  It's not so much that she is gone as it is just seeing a death happen.  I have a major phobia of death.  I wouldn't go in my room until somebody got my iguana outta there for me.  I bawl at funerals, even if I've never met the person and am only there for support.  I thought seeing somebody actually pass would kill me too.  It did not.  It was very calm.  I did want to throw up, but that was the emotions.  I didn't think it would effect me so much, but I think I am slightly traumatized.  Between those two things and everything I've got going on I am just wearing myself out.  I have a nice long break though to get my head back on track and I am so excited!!

I did not get my butt outta bed this morning so I will be running home from work which sounds like more fun to me anyways.  5.1 miles.

if you're gone, maybe it's time to come home

Spell "stressed" backwards and it will tell you the answer to cure all stress.  Or at least make you happier.  I might still be stressed when I eat this baby, but you better believe I'll be smiling!  Running is my second favorite stress reliever.

This morning I woke up at 7:11.  I am supposed to be to work at 7:00.  I have been late three times this week, i.e. every day.  So I flew outta bed, tossed my toothbrush, paste and face wash in my purse and brushed my hair on my way to work.  I got here at 7:22.  I've got skills.  And everybody knows brushing your teeth and washing your face in the bathroom at work is super classy.  I tried new sleeping pills last night and they made me so hyper.  The makers probably assume you'll take more until you fall asleep, meaning you have to buy more.  Well played.  Except I didn't take more because I am a sissy and didn't want to die.  I was up all night.

Running felt good yesterday, but only mentally.  My body hates running in the afternoon.  It's peak running time is around nine in the morning, right after I roll outta bed.  But 4 am is better than 4 pm.  All I ate before running was a salad, no carbs, because I didn't plan on running after work.  The first two miles were hell, the rest was cake and I even sprinted the last half mile.  Matchbox 20 came on my iPod at the start of mile three and the line "If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home" made me think of my Nanna.  A few days before she passed away she told us that she could see all her relatives that had already passed and they were asking her to come home.  I instantly started bawling and cried the whole way home.  It felt good.  I felt like she was with me.  It was definitely my scrambled brain, but I am going to blame getting lost on the tears blurring my vision.  Lost again.  Who does that?  So I ended up doing an extra half mile.  5.5 miles in 32:29 baby!  My goal was 5 miles in 32:30.  I beat it by a second and did an extra half mile.  When Jamie runs she keeps gum under her tongue because her mouth gets so dry.  Mine is so much the opposite that I am choking on my spit and spitting every 30 seconds.  Does anybody else have this problem?  I really need to work on a marathon playlist... I have five songs on my iPod that I actually like to run to.  One month from today I will be running through Salt Lake City either having the time of my life or wondering what the hell I was thinking!!

My maintenance guy at worked stopped me on my way out yesterday to let me know they'd be sure to have my heater installed by summer.  Oh good, just when I need it...  I guess four years late is better than never, but after it being 14 degrees at my desk this winter I had the urge to punch him.  A voice in the back of my head mentioned something about professionalism so I refrained.

Today is my last night of school!  Pizza party baby!!  Then I have a month and a half for training, wife-ing, and getting organized.  I've got big plans, including redoing my blog.  Isn't this font obnoxious??  I would have changed it, but they blocked blog edits at work and I never have time at home.

peanut butter filling

I took this at work when Josh and I were first dating and he asked for a picture of me.  I look so normal in it.  That's because I'm good at acting.  My hair is FINALLY getting long too.  It's only taken two and a half years.

Last night was my final for phlebotomy.  The written was 304 questions... I missed 11.  ELEVEN.  Running the risk (guarantee?) of sounding very full of myself, I am awesome.  Seriously.  I really surprised myself!  Our practicals were supposed to be tomorrow but since I finished so fast I did mine last night.  30/30.  100%!  Yay!!  If you'd like to have blood sucked from your veins, or feel like choking on something and getting CPR then I'm your girl.  I think there were only four of us that passed the written.  The written was full of useless information that wasn't really necessary, so that's not a big deal.  Well it is because they need to pass to be certified, but you know what I mean.  But what is scary are the ones who failed the practical.  I hope you never get them if you need your blood drawn.  One girl pulled the bevel out, so the tip of the needle was still in but the seal was broke, so blood was pouring out.  She stood there calmly and said, "Why is it doing that?"  Maybe ask that AFTER your remove the needle and stop the blood flow?  Just an idea.  It's such a relief to be done!  I start my externship in May and I will be officially certified!

For the cake I delivered Sunday it was chocolate with peanut butter filling.  I am in love with peanut butter already, but this stuff... mmmmmm.  I might have drank some of it.  I am still trying to think of a way I can ship a cake to Reeses without having it get destroyed.  This is something she probably needs to have, plus I like to share cake with people that make me laugh.

I had a cake order due this Sunday that I was starting tonight but they just called and canceled because they don't have the money.  This should make me sad, but I am freakin' thrilled!  I don't know if it's the time change or sleep issues, but I could not get up this morning.  I got up and went to the fridge to make toast and PB and couldn't make myself do it.  But I did realize that it was not my motivation.  I have thought I just didn't want to run.  This morning I wanted to cry because I wanted to run so bad, I just couldn't do it.  So I went back to bed bummed about not being able to make up yesterday's miles on my rest day today.  No cake means I can go running after work.  After work means it's light outside so I don't have to go to the gym.  It's supposed to be 60 degrees baby!  And rainy, but who doesn't love the rain??

What is your favorite flavor of cake and cake filling?
I loooove chocolate with cream cheese or PB and white with raspberry.

Do you like the rain?
I love the sound of it on the roof of my car.  It sounds like growing up when it would hit the roof of our trailer (insert white trash joke here.)

are you sure it's monday?

I am feeling... like a whiner today.  My first marathon is just over a month away and I don't feel prepared.  Maybe because my last long distance day was so bad.  Maybe it's because I skipped this weekend's distance day.  I had good reason to skip it, but if I am being honest I was scared to do it in the first place.  And even with a good reason to skip it, I am still mad at myself because I now have two weeks before I start to taper.  I can't be skipping training sessions right now.  I have worked soooo hard the last few months getting ready and the last couple weeks I've been slacking a bit.  I don't know if I am getting scared or burned out, but I need to get it together.  My written final for school is tonight and my practical is Wednesday and then I am done with school until at least May.  I am hoping a little more down time will make getting up at 4 am to run a little easier.

Saturday was so nice.  Josh decided to take the day off of work to hang out with me!  Time together sounded too good so I decided to do my 17 miles on Sunday.  We slept in until 8:00 then I got up and worked on a cake, showered, picked up our Bountiful Basket together, then I took Jamie her birthday present while Josh showered.  Then we headed to the gun show.  I do not mean that in the corny way, like "Do you have tickets?"  There was really a gun expo and it was sooo cool!!  They had old war weapons and all kinds of cool books and knives.  We bought 50 round clips for our .22s and walked around for about two hours.  We finally used our Christmas giftcard for Rickenbackers for lunch.  I almost died when I tasted their artichoke dip.  Then we went to about the tenth grocery store looking for my favorite hot sauce.  It was the last one on our list to try before caving and spending as much on shipping as the freakin hot sauce costs.  And they had it!!  I embarrassed my husband by buying every bottle they had.  Super sweet!  Seven bottles will last me at least a month.  And then I bought some girl scout cookies.  You might say it was the most successful shopping trip in the history of the world.  After a nap we headed to a BBQ for Jamie and two other friends' birthdays.  It was a lot of fun.  Spring is finally coming.  I heart BBQs.  We got home around midnight and I worked on a cake until two in the morning. 
When the alarm went off at 5 (really 6 because of the time change) I couldn't get out of bed.  I decided to run after my class at 1:00 and delivering a cake at 3:00.  I need to stop procrastinating because this NEVER happens.  The class was supposed to be an hour but it turned into two.  I was late delivering the cake and when I left my dad called as we were headed to the hockey game.  My nanna hadn't woken up for three days and she was down to her last few hours.  I dropped Josh off at his mom's and told him I'd meet him at the ice sheet after I said my goodbyes.  Her last few hours turned into her last hour and she passed away shortly after I got there.  She lived over ten years passed her life expectancy they gave her over a decade ago.  She was in pain and it was time.  But that doesn't make it any easier.  Seeing my aunt cry that she doesn't have a mom anymore, and my younger cousins wiping their smiling faces with tissue because they don't really understand it but they see us doing it.  The hardest part for me was when my grandpa sat her up to hug her and finally broke down after being so strong while we all cried.  I couldn't imagine losing the love of your life.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  As hospice got there to take care of things I realized for the first time in most of his life he'd be sleeping alone.  Death is hard and I've never seen anybody pass.  It's sad, but it is for the best.  She isn't in pain anymore.  It was amazing to see the difference in her body... all her wrinkles were suddenly gone and she finally looked like she was at peace.  After such an emotional night getting out of bed for work was almost too much to handle.  I couldn't bring myself to do it two hours early to run.  Maybe tomorrow.

After such a great day and a half and hard couple of hours the weekend seemed nonexistent.  I'm pretty sure it's not really Monday and this is just a scam by corporate America to get ahead.  I was supposed to study all day Sunday.  That obviously did not happen, so I am not feeling prepared for my final tonight.  I don't feel prepared for my final, my marathon, to start another cake tomorrow... But I'll keep pushing through.  After Sunday I will be done with school, don't have a cake for quite a while, and I can focus on training and being a better wife.  You should see our house right now... or anytime in the last three months.  I feel bad for my husband.  I'm home long enough to make a mess, but never clean.  Letting go of being a clean freak has been rough, but I am not there enough to let it really bother me.  My husband sees it all the time.  That guy sure lucked out when he married me.  It must have been for my sense of humor!  On a happier note, last night he told me he is getting my Garmin Forerunner for me for my birthday.  Maybe that is the motivation I need to get my butt in gear... If I want cool running gear I better put my body to work and show I deserve it.  That little slacker stayed home from work today.  I'm super jealous.

When I don't know the words I make up my own

I would share my girl scout cookies for one of these.  But only if it stays this size.

If I don't know the words to a song I make up my own.  Most the time I am pretty close but every once in a while I have to laugh at myself.  Yesterday I googled the lyrics for Scar Tissue by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  In case you are wondering he says, "with the birds I'll share this lonely view," not "something, something, long live you."  Embarrassing.  I wish I could remember what I thought the lyrics to Daughter by Pearl Jam were because that was pretty bad too.  I should have my hearing checked.

I took my CPR certification on Wednesday.  Those dolls are so freakin' scary!  The crash test dummy dolls scare me so bad, and those were in the same group.  I have bruises on my palm and top of my left hand.  CPR is rough.  Probably not as rough as the guy who's receiving it.  And they changed the rules again... it is now 30 compressions, two breaths, five reps of that, then recheck them.  Just so ya know.  Feel free to choke around me.  I now know what to do.

I haven't felt right since surgery.  I don't know if I am getting sick or if it's actually something associated with surgery, but I just feel horrible.  I am constantly nauseous so I don't want to eat (who am I??) which has made my blood sugars get really low.  I started to see black spots and could hear a loud rushing noise yesterday.  I laid down on the floor in an oily, dirty shop (i.e. work) and took deep breaths.  Since I had no test strips the EMT that works here checked me and I was 41.  If you don't know that is BAD.  I get sick below 85.  I forced myself to choke down some food and fought all day to keep it down.  I keep saying I don't have money for strips, but really insurance just stopped covering them so it pisses me off to pay $50 for something that is usually $15 so I boycotted them.  I decided it was probably time to stop being cheap and buy the stupid things.  I pulled out my meter and I hadn't checked my blood since... NOVEMBER FIRST.  I suck.  I checked it this morning and I was low again.  Only 78 this time, but what the freak!  When I was monitoring it last year I was doing soooo good!!  I guess it's time to be good again.  Here's to blowing $50 a month on test strips.  Lame.

My surgery was to have my IUD (birth control) removed.  I found out it has a nine percent chance of making you infertile and that freaked me out so I went in to get it taken out.  They couldn't find it (awesome) so it had to be done surgically.  Guys, feel free to stop reading... I haven't had my period in a year and a half since I've had the thing and getting it out caused me too.  I feel like I'm 15 all over again trying to figure out how to deal with this.  This is also a good reason for my blood sugar to be low... it always is during that time.  Anyways since I am not on birth control I stopped to get condoms at the store.  Have you ever bought condoms?  I have not.  There are about 4,000 kinds which is frustrating enough, made worse by the guy with devil horns tattooed on his head, talking to some lady about the kinds he preferred.  Can't they just sell original?  None of them make any freakin' difference anyway!!  Between that and irritation about test strips I was in a bad mood.  Then some lady slammed my ankles with her cart.  Twice.  Wal-Mart was out of Cadburry eggs.  Are you kidding me?  And Runner's World was $4.99.  I paid $24 for 24 issues.  I planned to go home and beat my husband a little for throwing it away.  By the time I got home I was almost in tears and walked in to a dozen hot pink roses in a mason jar.  I forgot about Cadburry eggs and running magazines.  He said he knew I had a bad day and wanted to cheer me up.  He is my favorite!!

Last night I put straps on my little sister's prom dress.  I always wonder if this will be the boy that I have to beat within an inch of his life... I hope not.  At least this one is 18 and won't be considered child abuse.  You know, just in case.  The straps were just to pull it in a little because she can't wear a bra.  The dress laces down the back, so I cut the lace in half and put a strap on each side, they go over and down through the laces.  I wanted to make sure they were straight and weren't going to pull the dress weird when laced so I put it on to make sure.  I looked in the mirror and felt a little creepy wearing a prom dress.    And then I was somehow shocked when I realized the dress fit.  My little sister is TINY.  I always said I wouldn't complain when I could fit into her jeans.  It was even weirder that I threw the dress on without even questioning if it would fit.  It wasn't her jeans but it did make me smile.  Then I felt even creepier so I took it off real fast.  Maybe she just looks skinnier because she is a freakin' giant, but I never would have thought we could share clothes.  I guess I'm not allowed to complain anymore!

Does Wal-Mart cause you to have anxiety too?
Are you over protective of your siblings?

Vegas

It's official.  I am doing this.  Well, not quite official.  I still have to convince Josh that it will be a blasty blast.  I'm hoping it won't be too difficult since he has a slight gambling problem.  Or so I hear.  I've never actually seen it since I've only been old enough to gamble for about 10.5 months.

I had a hard time signing up for this one for a lot of reasons.  I filled out the registration form at least 20 times just to close the window and start again five minutes later.  A few reasons:
I've been running for almost three years, but only seriously for a few months.  Which means since January I went from nothing, to TONS of running gear.  I've spent a lot of money on running lately and I'm a little scared it's becoming an addiction.  Besides that Josh thinks running is stupid so he thinks I'm wasting money.  But I think beer is stupid and we're always getting that too so... That's a lie.  I love me some cold Budlight but the diabetes does not agree so I stopped drinking.  Mostly. 
I think more than anything my husband knows me too well.  He knows that I get really excited about something, I'm the biggest fan, and then after a few months it's dead to me.  I get bored easy and change my mind a lot.  The one thing I haven't been like that with is him.  He's a lucky, lucky guy.  I'm sure he thinks running will be the same.  This is a valid fear and it very well could be.  But I don't want it to be that way.  Signing up for a run in December kind of means I HAVE to keep going.  Unless I want to die at mile three in front of a bunch of drunk people.
I think it's a little weird to sign up for more marathons before completing my first.  What if I hate it?  What if I do awful and can never show my face in the running community again?  Well this means I have to.  Even if I do horrible in Salt Lake, I don't think I should give up so easily.  I should at least give it one more shot.  Vegas baby.
So I have about eight months to convince my red head that this is a good idea.  I'll just tell him I did it all for him, it's all for the gambling and the beer.  And the M&M factory.  He doesn't even have to be at the finish line of this one if he doesn't want.  I'll slowly ease him into it so he doesn't get mad.  Maybe I'll tell him after I give him his birthday gift.  He turns 30 this year so it had to be GOOD and come July I might be known as the best wife ever.  I could burn the house down and he'd still tell me I'm a genius.  Probably not, but I can dream.  Plus, we've been talking about going to Vegas for at least two years.  I'm just giving it a happy little nudge.
I think what scared me the most about signing up for this is that Josh is always right.  But if you ever tell him I said that I'll break your knee caps.  So here's to still loving running a year down the road.

Speaking of loving running... I got back to it this morning and loved it!  Eight miles in 1:04:56.  I'll be rubbing my legs all day, but it was nice to have a good one after Saturday.  I was scared I would be pist at running forever.  I even made a new friend at the gym today.  He's training for Ragnar and asked about my Vibrams.  He told me his hips and calves bother him and I told him about foam rollers too.  I'm getting pretty good and faking being a runner.  I'll consider myself a real one around noon on April 16.

I'm alive

This is the greatest picture ever!  I'm the kid holding hands with the tiger.  This picture makes me so happy!

I lived through surgery.  It wasn't even that bad and I feel great today!  I am tired though which is odd because I slept for about seven hours yesterday and nine hours last night.  I think I could use at least ten more.  Josh took me to Chili's for lunch where they were out of normal tortillas for chips and used some thick nasty ones.  I wanted to cry but then he got me Molten Chocolate cake and I'm pretty sure it's made from unicorn tears.  Usually when I get this I'm with my sisters and forced to share.  My lover hates all sugar so I inhaled it all by myself.  Overall it was a pretty good day.

I was taken back to a pre-op room and my IV was started.  While waiting for the anesthesiologist we started talking about chores we hate doing.  Josh hates defrosting chicken and I hate opening mail.  Josh loves to cook and grill, but getting it ready annoys him.  I don't mind reading letters or paying bills, but opening envelopes suuuucks.  In a very proud voice Josh told me how he helps me out with the mail situation... he throws all the junk mail away before he even brings it in the house.  Things like the ads, a business magazine, Rolling Stones, and "some stupid running magazine that keeps coming."  I thought he was messing with me.  He was, in fact, was very serious and thought he was being nice.  You mean the running magazine I have been paying for?  The one I called on Friday and threw a fit because they had cashed my check weeks ago and I still hadn't gotten an issue?  The one I reeeeeally wanted before my marathon for any last minute tips or ideas?  Yeah.  That one.  Awesome.  I very nicely asked him to stop throwing my mail away.  First it was my drivers license and social security card after I spent hours getting my name changed.  And now my Runners World.  He's lucky he is cute.

I woke up early this morning and thought about going to the gym.  The doctor said nothing active for at least 24 hours.  I'm not listening to some guy I don't know, but when Josh asked me to please take a rest day I complied.  I am feeling ready for a run which is awesome.  I have been mad at running since Saturday and not wanted to do it at all.  A few days off was just what I needed.  Eight miles in the morning and I'm so excited!!

another crazy day... how am I not crazy?

Oh that's right, I am.  What was I thinking?

Today is a crazy day!  It started off with me TRYing to run five miles.  I was just under four when I had to stop because my leg kept cramping so bad I was tripping over myself.  I even stopped and massaged it for a bit and tried to keep going but it just wasn't happening.  That's what I get for taking so long Saturday and not having time to foam roll I guess.  I need to take recovery things more seriously.

I've been feeding my friend Doug's kitties last week and all this week.  They are so much fun!  I really miss having a cat and wish my lover wasn't allergic.  I've gotten in some good kitty time though and he even got me a $50 Amazon gift card for doing it.  Win win.  And I am now only $80 away from my Forerunner so even if I do get lost like a total spaz it isn't a big deal because I can still know my distance.  I am accepting donations for this dire need...  I will accept donations in the form of Hershey bars if you'd like.  I am not picky.  I had to feed the cats on my lunch today because I won't have time after work.  I have pre-op at 4:00 and my orientation for my externship at 5:00.  Which reminds me I'd better google the address and put it in my TomTom now.  Then school from 6:00-9:00.  That's a long time to go without seeing my ginger.  When I got to Doug's house I realized I didn't bring scrubs to change into so I had to run home.  Running around like crazy stresses me out.

The hospital just called and I have to be there by 7:00 am which means 8 miles isn't going to happen in the morning.  I guess I'll be doing them Thursday and 5 on Friday.  I'm hoping I can at least do weights on Wednesday.  I am begging the universe for strength training to help with the tight muscles in my calves.  I'm also begging Josh for a remedy for the same issue in the form of a gift card to the spa for my birthday.

I went to my first live hockey game last night.  My brother-in-law was playing and they killed the other team.  Jamie and her hubby came too where he fell down the bleachers, she laughed, and karma laughed at her and put her iPhone in the toilet.  I only wish I could've seen him fall...  Speaking of Jamie... she is not so much my marathon buddy now as she is my marathon cheerleader.  She finally went to the doctor for her knee and her meniscus is torn :-(  So she is still going to come share a hotel with me and just meet me at the finish line.  We'll kill the next marathon together.  I hope she heals fast... that girl is addicted to working out.  After my horrible run on Saturday we went to her house for movie night.  I brought the ice cream and she brought the awesome in the form of oreos, gummy bears, hot fudge, and Dr. Pepper syrup.  Did you know they have Dr. Pepper syrup for ice cream?  Sorry for peeing on your floor Jamie... I was real excited.

If you ever want to score some easy cash get behind me in line at the Wal-Mart.  I will leave my wallet sitting on little shelf and not realize it for about seven hours.  Thank you awesome, nice, sweet, good person who did not take my cash or cards and just turned it in.  I luff you.  I guess grocery shopping was just too much for me to handle.  Two stores is horrible.  We went to Sam's though and stocked up for the end of the world because Josh watched a stupid show that scared the hell outta me so in an effort to shut me up, I mean be a nice husband, we stocked up on food and ammo.  My two favorite things... mass amounts of food and guns.  Don't mess with us.  And don't expect a post tomorrow.  I will be lying on the couch good and drugged with some delish food.  My lover says he'll get me takeout for lunch, anywhere I want.  Help me out on this.  It's too big a decision for one girl to make.

Note to self: The "you're kind of an idiot" edition

And "kind of" is a major understatement.

Note to self:
Do not fuel for a 16 miler with nachos smothered in jalepenos and chili followed by a quesadilla smothered in chile verde and expect to throw up any less than twice during the run.
Do not cry like a girl during runs.  You make yourself look stupid.
Learn to navigate the place you've lived your entire life like a normal human being.  Getting lost at this point is just ridiculous and turned your 16 into at least 17 and added almost an hour to your time.  Awesome.
I don't know how you prevent this, but don't ever burst a vein in your ankle again.  It scared me.
Do not forget to charge your iPod, especially when it is your timer.
Do not punch a Hummer because they almost hit you.  Save your knuckles and palm that shit.
Stop being a baby about the cold.  You are the one who decided to train in the middle of winter.
Don't wear a long sleeve cotton shirt for your run and wonder why you are uncomfortable and cold.  Buy some real running gear.
Don't stop to sit down for a second when you are already miserable.  You will cry when you start again.
Insure your legs for no less than one million dollars so when the previously mentioned Hummer does hit you because the moron driver is texting you can at least drown your sorrow with a chocolate fountain big enough to swim in.  (Although after yesterday I doubt you'd feel sorrow if you couldn't run.  Just sayin'.)
You will complete this marathon.  You have been worried but after yesterday you proved you are too hard on yourself to give up.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing.
After you have thrown up, cried, hurt your hand, bruised your ankle, and ran without music you are kind of a bitch.  Get that in check.

This is probably more information than you ever cared to know, but when I run I have a voice in my head.  Most of the time that voice is Josh and is very nice saying things like, "You're almost there babe" or "Just a little farther honey."  When I am miserable and I know every single second of my misery was self inflicted the voice is neither Josh, nor nice.  It says things like, "Move your fat ass" and tells me what a wimp I am.  I don't know what my time was yesterday or how far I went but it was long enough to say "I hate you" about 100 times.  I'm not sure if that was me hating the voice, or the voice hating me but I'm sure it was mutual.  I got home furious my iPod had died and plugged it in.  It sat on the charger for 25 minutes and still wouldn't work.  I plugged it into the computer to be told it was corrupted.  My iPod that is barely a month old that I'm kind of in love with.  I wanted to cry.  I planned to take it back this morning but my aunt showed me how to reset it and it's workin' like a champ since.  Has anybody else had this problem?  I'm scared to run with it now.

Here's to a new training week starting tomorrow and showing running and the voice inside my head who is boss.

my eggs are bossy

I am finally able to run again after my accident, but I still can't ride my horses.  Well, I ride, but then I feel like death so it only happens a few times a year.

I skipped training again this morning, but today I'm not even mad at myself.  I have only ran once this week which bums me out, but today I'm ok with it.  My lover kissed me bye when he left for work and I had 20 minutes to sleep before I had to go to the gym.  I fell back to sleep and dreamt the power was out in my house and somebody was in there.  He knocked me out.  When I woke up from being knocked out I woke up for real and I was paralyzed.  I couldn't move at all.  I tried so hard to move or to even scream and I couldn't do either.  It seemed like it lasted forever.  I don't know if I fell back to sleep, or how I could have but I blacked out and when I opened my eyes again I could move.  I jumped out of bed, searched my house, then threw up.  I collapsed on the kitchen floor and snuggled my dog and cried while she licked my face.  And I feel slightly crazy telling you all of this.... after that I couldn't sleep so I laid on the couch and my 72 pound dog laid on my chest.  We Netflixed The Office and I wondered if I am going crazy.  I calmed down after about an hour and got some cereal which made me sick again.  I hope the doctor calls today... I feel like I'm losing it.

On a happier note my mom called me yesterday.  My family is all going out to dinner for my aunt's birthday and my mom is bringing her boyfriend.  I will be meeting him for the first time.  She mentioned something about him being "politically correct" and asked me to watch what I say, something about being nice, and please don't embarrass her.  What?!?  I'm so offended!  I asked her if it was embarrassing if I asked him if I could call him dad.  She said she'd reconsider coming.  She's so touchy.  I text her and told her his name is PC, short for Politically Correct and that is what I will call him.  She asked me to please not call him that around him.  He should just learn that our fam is weird from the beginning.  I wonder if she'll come to dinner still...

I just found out my cousin is having another little girl!  When I told Josh I asked him what he thinks we'll have.  He said girls and gagged a little.  My grandma tried for a boy seven times.  She has seven girls.  I told him it didn't matter because his "stuff" is what determines the gender.  This is when I was informed that we both know who the boss in this marriage is (me) and he has no doubts that my eggs will boss his swimmers around.  He is not wrong.  I hope my eggs like boys... girls scare the freak outta me!

Lady Fitness said my cancelation paperwork wasn't good enough and I need to send something different, so they will be charging me for the month.  Awesome...  I reaaaaally don't like them.

My girl scout cookies haven't come yet and it is March 4th.  I was told the 1st.  They better be here before surgery on Tuesday or I will punch a girl scout, even if she is seven.  I want my Somoas!  If you think I'm kidding, ask my little sister... She tried to eat my last Somoas last year and I jumped over two couches and the island in my kitchen to tackle her.  It was a month before the wedding and I hadn't had sugar in months.  Josh watched me beat a minor for some cookies.  And he still married me.  Sucker.

One goal met

For at least one day anyway.  I did not have ANY sugar yesterday.  I got home from school last night and wanted to snack and didn't.  Currently there is a gigantic cinnamon roll, another peace offering, on my desk and I'm still eating my cantaloupe for breakfast.  Sometimes I surprise myself.  I'm not sure if it's my motivation or my sleep disorder but this week has been a rough one for waking up.  I didn't get up this morning.  It's weird... I haven't ran for two days and I've been a moody B for two days.  Running greatly improves my mood.  I should try to focus on that when the alarm goes off but logic doesn't exist before 9:00 am.  I am supposed to have results from the sleep clinic by tomorrow and a plan to fix it, so hopefully it will help and I'll get my butt outta bed!!

I am so excited about getting a Garmin Forerunner 305!  You can race yourself on that thing.  How cool is that?  I can tell it I want to do my 16 miles faster this week and it will let me know how far ahead or behind I am from my time last week.  Awesome!!  Plus I am pretty sure the GPS is more accurate than planning routes on google.  I planned a route with google and Jamie's iPod told us it was like 0.2 miles short.  We cannot have that.  Or it's a good excuse for a new toy.  Either way I can't wait!!  I wish I had it for training for this marathon, but it will be handy for next!  I want to do St. George, Top of Utah, and hopefully Vegas.  That would be four this year.  So much fun!!

I've been reading for fun a little more lately and I just can't get into the Outlander series.  Josh loved them and went on and on about them.  They are his favorite.  I'm on book two and I think they might be dead to me... I'm doubting I'll read the last five.  He's convinced it's better than the greatest book of all times, Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet.  That guy is smoking something.  Josh, not Ken.  Pillars is a million times bettah!!  Reeead it!

peace offering

This is what I live with.  Every.  Single.  Day.

On Monday I had to leave my desk for a bit.  When I came back there was chocolate pie on my desk.  Basically a miracle was performed and it was delish.  Then I found out it was from the mean lady at work and I was a little scared that I had eaten it.  I didn't die though.  Yesterday I walked passed her desk and she stopped me and asked to talk to me.  She apologized for EVERYTHING and asked me to tell her if she is ever being rude because she doesn't notice.  This is a huge deal and very unexpected.  I let my boss know and told her hopefully things will improve.  Today she came up to me and talked to me calmly and nicely.  Then she told me to have a good day.  What the!  I'm pleased.  I have called my husband crying because of this lady many times.  I've thought about walking out and quitting my job at least a hundred times.  It's just still weird.  Hopefully it will stick.  I guess the pie was a peace offering.  How did she know I couldn't resist chocolate pie, huh??  The world knows my weakness.

For a week I have been trying to figure out why everytime I stop (while driving) my radio changes stations or the air gets turned up or down.  My car is operated all by touch screen and whichever screen I had open it would mess with when I stopped.  I'm always watching the road when I stop, but for some reason I happened to look down as the necklace hanging from my rear view mirror swung forward and changed the station.  I am awesome.  I'm glad I didn't take it into the shop.

Jamie's knee is getting better!  Today it isn't tender and she thinks she might be able to run with me Saturday!  She is going to start and if it hurts she'll head back, so we'll see how it goes.  I'm sick of our usual routes so I planned a new one and I'm pretty excited!!

My goals for March have gone GREAT!!  Yesterday I ate half a box of Thin Mint cookies in an hour and this morning I was pouting so I didn't get out of bed.  Both goals broken in the first two days.  I think my self control is on vacation.  No use beating myself up over it though.  I haven't had sugar today and I am going to make up miles in the morning.  And work even harder to stick to it for the next 29 days.

hills=hell

This morning I stepped on the treadmill at 5 am with the genius idea to do hills.  I had never done hills on a treadmill before and figured it couldn't be to bad.  I was wrong.  I also figured I could keep up my usual happy pace and be just fine.  My goal was 40 minutes.  44 minutes and ten seconds later I finally finished my five miles.  I changed the incline for each mile, the first mile at a 5 then 2, 4, 1, and 3.  I only ended up on the floor with my head between my knees to keep from passing out three times.  I felt like such a sissy.  At 0.87 miles I really thought about quitting.  I had to talk to myself the whole time and keep reminding myself that I like to run.  I did NOT like it this morning.  To remind myself that running makes me feel alive I listened to "Alive" by Kenny Chesney.  I realized that I was alive and I am lucky to even be able to run, and that I actually run a lot smoother to slow music.  So much for angry music, right?  Then I cried the whole way home every time I used my clutch.  I sat on the floor of the shower and washed because I couldn't stand for another second.  I don't know how I made it through that run and I have a feeling tomorrow's eight might be the death of me.

My new favorite song to run to at the moment is "Scar tissue" by Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Hopefully that will get me through my 5 am sweat session.  Right now my happy pace is 6.7.  I am going to try to slowly up that in the next few weeks.  I'd like my happy pace to be at least 7.5 by the time the marathon gets here.  46 days!  I also decided that I need one of these because it is awesome and on sale and my birthday is coming up.  My goal for the year was to be happy with my body by my birthday.  I'm almost to that point, and I get closer every day, but I need a little extra boost if I am going to reach that in two months.  My goals for March are no sugar (except after surgery because calories don't exist when you don't feel well) and no missing training sessions.  Another goal I have is to be able to smoke my husband in a foot race.  He has been wanting to race since we got together (for some reason we still haven't) and I want to smoke him when we do.  Not just leave him behind a little, I want him to cry for his mommy.  Not really, but that guy never runs so if I can't beat him I am going to be pist.  I already know I could beat him in distance but we are talking like from the bed to the fridge.  This is my motivation to stop skipping my speed training on Fridays.

I only have two weeks of school left!  That is CRAZY!  It has gone by so fast.  We have one more test, CPR training, and then our final to be certified.  Wish me luck.  I'm going to be studying like crazy.

I finally got the keypad for my phone!  My texts are now just obnoxious, and not obnoxious because of @ instead of A's.  If you have a blackberry and want to change the face plates, taking it to a phone store is a great idea.  I worked on my for an hour and a half last night, and when I get home I'll be taking it apart and redoing it because I didn't remove the screen protector on the inside of the phone.  I am awesome.

I can't believe it's already March.  Time is going by too fast lately!  Two months of this year have already passed.

If I ever find time I will redo my blog!  I really can't stand this font...

Oh and you know I am all about the romance so please go here and comment on this story to help this lady's dreams come true!!

the worst has happened

Our honeymoon... well I guess the honeymoon hadn't actually started because it was a couple days before we got married.  I just wanted to show you my "meaty" legs.  Thanks husband.  Oh and I look pregnant because I had a genius idea to stick my phone in the stomach pocket on my shirt.  Stomach pockets should be illegal.

The worst has happened.  I have to wash my hair twice in two days.  Awesome.  They put so much crap on my scalp to make all these sensors stick.  First he marked me with a grease pen.  Oh thanks, my skin is not oily enough.  He then scrubbed the spots with mechanic soap, which we all know is the best thing to wash your roots with.  Then a big ball of some nasty goo, followed by a sensor and a big piece of tape.  I am assuming it feels great to have medical tape ripped off of your head, right?  I won't find out until about five tonight.  By that time I'll be all agitated and pist off from sitting in this 10 by 10 room.  I thought I'd be relaxed and happy... they told me they were making me nap every two hours.  Um hello awesome.  But then they told me I don't actually get to sleep.  They wake me up as soon as I start to doze.  What kind of sick show are they running here?  Oh and he just told me I can't have chocolate.  They are reaaaaaally pushing it in here.  Will you visit me in jail if I snap?  And tell me that orange is slimming on my meaty legs?  Thanks.

My loved ones were all about the sweet compliments yesterday.  My dad has a mirror that bows forward in the middle so it makes you look super wide.  Seriously, I could fit triplets in my mirror hips.  It is a depressing mirror and it should be illegal, along with stomach pockets.  We are not kangaroos.  As I walk out I say, "I hate that mirror."  Every.  Single.  Time.  Why can't he attach the stupid thing in the middle?  This time as I made my hate comment my sister so nicely said, "Why?  Because it makes you look fatter?"  FattER??  So I punched her in her kidney and stole her kids.  I took them to McDonald's where I asked the if they wanted Sprite or Rootbeer.  My youngest nephew thought I said do you want Sprite, Root, or Beer?  He of course chose beer which caused my older nephew to explain he got that from Gramma.  I rolled my eyes and said "nice" as I went to get there drinks.  I came back to the three year old jumping up and down because he thought he was getting a beer.  I should probably tell him that beer is an adult drink, but I'll let his Gramma deal with that one.  I then took them to see Gnomeo and Juliet which was ok for a kids movie, but I usually love cartoons and I just wasn't into it.  Maybe it's because the three year old was asking to leave before the previews were even over.  Whose to say.  I don't know how people are full time parents.  That was the most stressful four hours of my life.  And people ask why I don't have kids... I couldn't even get their shoes on when we left the playplace.

sleep clinic

I'm sitting in the bed at the sleep clinic.  It's not so bad.  The room is kind of nice and it's quiet here.  I miss my husband though.  I cried like a big baby the whole way here.  Looks like the have wifi :-)  I'm not even sure if I am supposed to be on this network.  It looks like it's their work network.

My husband told me I was creepy because my little sister got asked to prom and I tried to look the guy up on Facebook.  He's probably right, but if he wants a kid he should get used to it.  I already feel bad for them.  I'm a good little detective.

I decided I want to run a marathon in each state.  50 marathons.  Even if it isn't an organized one and I just run 26.2 to check out the new place I'm in I'm ok with that.  It might never happen.  That's a lot of traveling and there are other countries I'd prefer to see over some of the states.  But it would be cool.  My 16 miles today made me feel pretty confident.  16 miles in 2:21:50.  It felt good.  I could have kept going.  my knee did get sore though and I had to wear my brace the last six miles.  McDonald's chicken nuggets are good recovery food, right?  I am sore like crazy now though.  I'm all gimpy.  I hope my body gets used to this.  Being sore blows.  I feel much better than I do on days that I have ran outside in the freezing cold though.

My lover always jokes about if we were stranded he is excited to eat the dogs because they have "meaty little legs."  He was rubbing my sore calves today and said, "Wow babe, you have meaty legs."  Um... thank you?  I gave him a dirty look and he said he just meant that my muscles were huge.  Yes.  I already knew that.  I have gigantic muscles in my legs.  I know it's all muscle, but the size bugs me sometimes and I wish they would shrink.  I guess that's what I get for saying he's scrawny?  We balance each other out.  I really miss that guy.

50 days

I got this from my friend Sara's blog.  Hilarious!  And totally me.  I should probably stop wearing running capris until I learn to shave my legs regularly, but it hasn't stopped me so far.  And by running capris I mean $3 leggings from Wal-Mart.  I really love them.  But they stopped selling them and I am going to have to buy some Under Armour ones.  I hope they are worth the extra $37.

I got a pretty pist off e-mail from somebody about me complaining that my size fours were tight.  Apparently that was rude?  I don't care if you are a size four or a size twenty if you're happy with the way you look.  I don't think a size four is big, or fat.  But I want to be smaller.  I don't even care if I stay a size four.  I would just like them to to be a bit looser.  We all have goals.  And this blog is about MINE.  So chill.

I only have 50 days left until the big day!!  That is 50 days of training.  50 days of trying my hardest.  I want to be able to look back and know I prepared the best I could.  So I don't feel great about this week, but starting tomorrow I am going to try my best.  My "surgery" was unsuccessful so "surgery" just became surgery.  Blah.  March 8th.  I am going to run March 9th's miles on the 8th in the morning and then take the 9th off.  Hopefully I'll be good to go again on the 10th.  My girl scout cookies should be here by then.  I don't know how that helps with my whole not-eating-sugar thing, but I'm pretty excited about it.

I have a new goal to run the Breast Cancer 5K in 21:00 in May.  That might be unrealistic, and I might change it after a couple speed trials, but that is what I am pushing for.  I also really want to run a marathon we have to travel for.  Actually a couple of them, but I'm thinking we'll start off small.  I am wondering if I can convince Josh to go to Vegas in December.  I'll just use his love for gambling to sway him.  Muah ha ha ha!!

I am in love with Train's new song called Marry Me.  "Marry me.  Today and everyday."  That line reminds me of Josh.  We have been married for 8.5 months now and he still asks me to marry him at least once a week.  I love songs that remind me of him.  Too bad they are never songs I can run to.  I like loud, angry music for running.  My favorite is Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry.  If I am ever having a hard time keeping going, I turn it to that and it helps.

Tomorrow is going to be CRAZY!  After running 16 miles I am definitely making a chocolate, peanut butter and banana smoothie.  And then I guess I'll wash my hair.  Then I am heading to a good friend's baby shower.  Twin boys.  She is brave!  She will be such a good little mommy.  Then I have to get my emissions done on my car... I guess registration expires on Monday.  Blah.  Then I have a date with the two cutest boys I know.  My nephews!  I am taking them to lunch and to see Gnomeo and Juliet.  I'm probably more excited than they are.  Dear Lord, please, please, please don't let Kasyn have an accident while he is with me.  I will cry.  Seriously.  Then I only get a couple hours with my lover and I have to head up to the sleep clinic.  If they have WiFi I will say hello, but I am highly doubting it.  If not I'll write ya something special and post it on Sunday.

I can't decide if I hate my job

This is my mouthguard I just got that I have to start sleeping in.  I grind my teeth so much when I sleep that it is starting to wear my teeth down.  Maybe it's the psychotic nightmares about being skinned alive, but who's to say.  I think it looks pretty hot.  It's a lot smaller than I expected, and for that, I thank them.

Yesterday I felt a lot more optimistic about my job.  Then I got here this morning and was told that somebody told my boss I leave 30 minutes to an hour early every day.  Awesome.  Everybody here is off at 3:10 and I have to be here until 3:30.  There has been MAYBE three times that I have left at the same time they did because I worked through my lunch.  I wish the nosy people here would mind their own freakin' business.  So I hated work again.  But then I got told somebody else's business and I am back on the fence.  I know people should mind their own business, but when you get caught fooling around in an old test cell, what do you expect?  Well played, Universe.  This would be a lot easier to laugh at if they weren't both married (to other people) but it is still quite funny and ridiculous.  Who does that?  I can't believe they haven't been eaten by a mutant spider.  I guess an orgasm at work might make this place more likeable, but you should probably get a job with your spouse if you want to find out.  I wonder if I could sneak Josh in, in my purse....

I have been using my lilash on only my left eye this week because my right eyelashes are so much longer.  I noticed when that side of my face felt heavier.  I kid.  The right side is just touching my eyebrows and the left isn't quite there.  Maybe it's not the lashes and my eyes are lopsided.

I had important things to do yesterday so I skipped my seven miles and planned to do them today, and today's four tomorrow.  My alarm went off and I couldn't get out of bed so I decided to do it after work.  In my 4:30 am fog I guess I forgot that I have a doctor appointment for a minor "surgery" after work and there is no way I will be running today, and probably not tomorrow either.  That is 11 miles this week and it is really stressing me out.  If I would have done them when I was supposed to I'd be good to go.  I need to stick to my schedule better.  16 miles Saturday, all treadmill, and I am pretty excited!!  I hope I am feeling up to it by then.  And I hope Jamie is back up to it on Monday.

I forgot my breakfast this morning.  I don't know if it's my love for food or low blood sugar but I turn into a B when I don't eat.  You've been warned.

peanut butter

Remember how I hate my job?  We had a real big meeting about that today and I think most of those issues will be resolved.  I am so excited.  And going through my workload we realized why it's been impossible to catch up lately and we got that problem fixed too.  I have been trying to catch up since June.  I will be caught up by the middle of next week.  I am thrilled!!  Hopefully everything will go as planned and I can go back to not minding my job.  It will be easier to make myself go.

I had the bright idea to bring a jar of peanut butter to work instead of packing a little tupperware full of it every day for my fruit breakfast.  I don't know if this was genius or a really, really bad idea.  It saves on dishes but I am pretty sure my peanut butter consumption will double.  On every break I want to eat a big spoonful of it.  I have refrained but I am weak.  It won't last much longer.  Speaking of self control, my enabler, Jamie, is on her way over with a cupcake from Vintage.  I have never had one but I am sure I will be immediately addicted and I can't even be mad at her because she knows the way to my heart.  Chocolate frosting.  Is it healthy if I put a strawberry on top?  I have been dying to make a peanut butter and banana smoothie with chocolate milk.  If you make millions off that idea, just remember where you got it.  Thanks.

I am kind of in a bad mood today.  I put on my size four jeans that I haven't worn since Christmas.  I got all new jeans for Christmas and finally decided today to start using my old ones for work.  They are super tight.  I know I was bigger at Christmas.  What.  The.  Freak.  I am sure it is just because I dried them last time because I doubted I'd be wearing them again, but it still made me feel like crap and I have been obsessing all day.  This is why I avoid the scale.  I drive myself insane.  I am sure a cupcake will help.  Chocolate makes everything better.  And tighter.

I say awkward a lot. Probably because my life IS awkward.

This weekend I was too busy to blog.  Which is weird, because I didn't have a cake or homework.  It might have just been laziness.  Too lazy to blog sounds about right.

Saturday Jamie and I slept in.  Not together.  But we decided sleeping in before our run sounded great.  I rolled out of bed at the butt crack of dawn... 8:00 a.m.  I picked up my Bountiful Basket from a new location this time and I have never seen one so unorganized.  I was supposed to have my basket at 9:15.  I got it at 9:40.  By the time I got outside it was pouring so we decided to run laps on the track at the local rec center.  Before our run I ran to the store and got a five hour energy and juice for smoothies.  I shot my energy and headed up to meet Jamie.  I never take energy anything and I was bouncing off the freakin' walls.  I was hyper.  We went upstairs to the track where we learned that 19 laps equals 1 mile.  That should be illegal.  I was NOT doing 266 laps around a bunch of staring basketball players.  No thanks.  We did 19 laps track, 6 miles treadmill and the last 7 miles outside in the pouring rain.  It was actually a GREAT run day for me and my body felt fabulous.  I tried shot bloks for the first time... energy drinks and shot bloks... I feel bad for Jamie.  I was so hyper I was basically bouncing up and down running.  Shot bloks do make me want to barf for about ten minutes though, and then I am good to go.  I am hoping to push through and get used to them.  It seems like we can never have a good day together though, and Jamie hurt her knee.  We hoped it was just a bit sore but it is still hurting her.  She can't even bend it.  She is taking the week off and seeing if it improves.  I am pretty upset.  I will be bummed if she can't marathon with me.  But even more than that she LOVES to work out.  On top of all our training, that crazy lady is still doing bootcamp every day.  She is a bad ass.  Her hubby works over seas three months, home for a month, then heads back.  Working out is something that keeps her busy, and more than anything it keeps her happy.  I will cry if this is major and she isn't back to it by Monday.  Send happy vibes to her knee, k?  Even with her bum knee we still finished in 2:22:38.  She offered to take a picture of me so you could see that it looked like I peed my pants... I passed.  Obviously.  That was 28 miles total last week in 4:13:24!!

After our run, Saturday just got better and better.  We rolled on our foam rollers and drank strawberry/banana/peanut butter smoothies.  Then we showered (again, not together) and got ready and headed out for a double date.  We went to Brewvie's which is a bar AND movie theater in Salt Lake City.  So much fun!  Josh has been telling me about it since we met and we finally decided to go.  We had pizza, the guys had beer, and The Fighter was a GREAT movie.  I was surprised.  Jamie's husband is hilarious by the way.  It's funny, she is so much like my husband--quiet and a little shy--and I am so much like hers--loud and loves awkward jokes.  After the movie we headed over to Dr. John's.  That would probably be kind of weird, how we ended up there, but it was right next door and I have never been.  What a funny store!  I have never seen so many weird, random, freaky things all in one place.  Then we got to drive home in a crazy blizzard.  Mother Nature hates me.

Sunday might have been the best day ever.  We slept until 8:00, I took Josh to breakfast, we watched Nascar and that was such a cool Daytona 500!!  Then my lover grilled for dinner and I made homemade mashed potatoes.  I love love Sundays.

Sunday night I was awake all night from coughing and sleep issues.  I woke up with a sore throat and miserable head ache, so I called in sick.  I laid on the couch all day long.  Josh had to go get his oil changed at 4:00 and I didn't run in the morning so I decided to get it over with while he was gone.  I have a runners tip for you.  Do NOT fuel with Top Ramen.  You will die.  Or barf.  Or both.  I didn't end up barfing, but they came up and it was awkward.  Especially at my new gym.  It was my first time and the TV screen acted as a mirror and all I could see were my boobs bouncing.  That's a lie.  I also saw three guys walk by and look at my butt.   The TV will be getting covered with my jacket from now on.  I got too used to an all women's gym.  I feel more self conscious at the new place, so I hope that will pass.  I also feel guilty not wearing my wedding ring but I hate that it gets scratched like crazy from weights, so I went and got an $8 ring on lunch.

Josh convinced me to go to the chiropractor for my broken back when we met.  I fell in love immediately.  Nothing has ever helped with the pain like that has.  Well when we switched me to Josh's insurance after the wedding they made a bunch of mistakes and things got crazy and I got a $700 bill from the chiropractor.  I decided to stop going until it was figured out.  I get to go today!!  I haven't been since November and I am so so so excited!

I went to Wal-Mart on lunch and got me a "diamond" ring for a fake wedding ring.  I am pretty excited about it.  You know I love a good excuse to buy jewelry.  That makes number three or four on fake wedding rings.  I also got my friend Emily's baby shower gifts for the twin boys growing in her belly.  That girl is tiny.  I don't know how she is going to fit two babies in that body.  I was reminded why I hate Wal-Mart.  A lady walked passed with a basket in her hand and jammed it into my back.  She said sorry, but I know she saw me and walked right into me anyways.  People are so rude.  Then as I was going to check out, something kept rubbing my butt.  When things hit my butt, 99% of the time I will take the blame.  That thing is a shelf and is always right in the way.  But then I felt breath on the back of my neck and got pretty freaked out and spun around to see a lady with black and white hair, bright red lipstick and black eye shadow up to her brows.  All she needed was a fur coat.  It was her fat roll rubbing my butt.  That right there is the definition of awkward.  So I took two steps forward.  And so did she.  My first instinct was to elbow her.  Not because I am violent or crazy (ha) but because I am kind of a freak about my personal space.  I don't like being touched by people I am not close with, or even being in touching distance.  I am probably traumatized for life and I still feel a bit claustrophobic.  Well played Cruella Devil.

I just realized two of my favorite holidays are coming up.  I also realized my favorite holiday is always the one that is coming up.  I am in love with St. Patty's day.  Green is my favorite so a whole day of everybody wearing green is awesome.  And I always get some socks to celebrate.  Plus my lover is Irish.  And my last day of school is the day before.  So we are going to celebrate the green and no more studying!  Easter is still like two months away, but I really really love to color eggs, and to watch my nephews hunt for them.  It would probably be better if my family didn't all hate mornings.  Everybody is grouchy and so much fun to be around.  But then the coffee kicks in and we all remember how to pretend to be normal and nice.

what an off week

After last week I really thought these guys would be showing up soon.  I miss them.

This week started off bad when I found out I didn't get the job.  On Valentine's Day.  Then I got home and my lover was sick so I spent V-Day alone.  It has been a horrible week narcolepsy-wise and I am beat.  Tuesday I forgot about my dentist appointment.  Yesterday I couldn't get my booty out of bed so I planned to run then head to the dentist.  I got home, changed crazy-person-quick, hopped in my car and it wouldn't start.  Fabulous.  After turning over for a few seconds for the thousandth time my key snapped so I had to grab my spare.  Car started right up.  I guess the sensor in my normal key was broken.  It was dentist time so I headed over where they had me bite into purple cement to get a mold, then pulled my jaw out of the cement and it felt like they were removing my jaw.  My whole face hurt and the gym I wanted to sign up for and use wasn't answering the phone so I just went to Lady with a broken key, jacked up jaw, and pist off attitude.  I did NOT want to run and every single second of it was mis. er. able.  My iPod annoyed me, a kid popped up right next to me and scared me and I almost fell off the treadmill, and Josh was running late so I didn't get to see him before I left for Idol night.  But then I made cookies with my nephews and laughed at how weird my family is, so it wasn't all bad.  Just off.  It's been an off week and I plan to start the weekend off right with a hepatitis B shot, signing up for my new gym, pizza from the Circle, and a newlywed night with my lover, this time minus the drool.  Maybe.

I got my pepper spray last night and it is super cute.  It would have been much less cute if I hadn't yanked it out of my sister's hand a half second before she sprayed me in the face as she asked what it is.  If you have pepper spray hide your keys, hide your wife, they're sprayin' errbody out here.

A whole box of mac and cheese is a serving right?

I can't decide if I am jealous or feel bad for Josh for hating sugar.  I think am jealous because my stomach would have never made me unhappy if it wasn't for that crap, but then I just feel bad for him because a world without Hersheys is a world I don't want to live in.  He thinks cream cheese is gross because it's too sweet.  And I thought I was weird.

I just ordered my first bondiband.  I even got Jamie one so we can be twinners for the marathon.  We already have matching shirts and SPI belts, why not head bands too.  I also ordered a stopwatch because trying to time myself on my iPod is difficult when it's on my arm, covered in plastic, and I don't want to get a slower time to find it.  Oh and shot bloks.  I love running gear.  I love online shopping.  It's like Christmas delivered to my doorstep.  Not actually swiping my card makes it not seem real, so this could definitely get me in trouble.  Pretty sure I pay somebody's salary at Amazon.  You aaaaare welcome.