The worst has happened. I have to wash my hair twice in two days. Awesome. They put so much crap on my scalp to make all these sensors stick. First he marked me with a grease pen. Oh thanks, my skin is not oily enough. He then scrubbed the spots with mechanic soap, which we all know is the best thing to wash your roots with. Then a big ball of some nasty goo, followed by a sensor and a big piece of tape. I am assuming it feels great to have medical tape ripped off of your head, right? I won't find out until about five tonight. By that time I'll be all agitated and pist off from sitting in this 10 by 10 room. I thought I'd be relaxed and happy... they told me they were making me nap every two hours. Um hello awesome. But then they told me I don't actually get to sleep. They wake me up as soon as I start to doze. What kind of sick show are they running here? Oh and he just told me I can't have chocolate. They are reaaaaaally pushing it in here. Will you visit me in jail if I snap? And tell me that orange is slimming on my meaty legs? Thanks.
My loved ones were all about the sweet compliments yesterday. My dad has a mirror that bows forward in the middle so it makes you look super wide. Seriously, I could fit triplets in my mirror hips. It is a depressing mirror and it should be illegal, along with stomach pockets. We are not kangaroos. As I walk out I say, "I hate that mirror." Every. Single. Time. Why can't he attach the stupid thing in the middle? This time as I made my hate comment my sister so nicely said, "Why? Because it makes you look fatter?" FattER?? So I punched her in her kidney and stole her kids. I took them to McDonald's where I asked the if they wanted Sprite or Rootbeer. My youngest nephew thought I said do you want Sprite, Root, or Beer? He of course chose beer which caused my older nephew to explain he got that from Gramma. I rolled my eyes and said "nice" as I went to get there drinks. I came back to the three year old jumping up and down because he thought he was getting a beer. I should probably tell him that beer is an adult drink, but I'll let his Gramma deal with that one. I then took them to see Gnomeo and Juliet which was ok for a kids movie, but I usually love cartoons and I just wasn't into it. Maybe it's because the three year old was asking to leave before the previews were even over. Whose to say. I don't know how people are full time parents. That was the most stressful four hours of my life. And people ask why I don't have kids... I couldn't even get their shoes on when we left the playplace.
No comments:
Post a Comment