simplicity

I always hear people say things like, "Remember when your biggest worry was learning how to tie your shoes?  What happened to those days.  I wish I could go back."  But I just don't get it.  I'd take this over that.  I'd take today over anything from the past.  I LOVE my life.  It's hectic and crazy and good, sometimes a tiny bit of bad... but it's MINE.  It's my crazy, my hectic, my good, and my bad.  I love every second of it.  But maybe it's because I had a horrible childhood.  It seems most things were kinda horrible until I met my lover.  So for me, this is the time of my life.  This is the simplicity I always want to be in.  It's seems to be the equivalent of everyone else's childhood.  Except with bills and stuff :-)  Even Josh said the other day he missed being 12 and sometimes he wishes he could go back.  At first I was sad because I felt like he'd prefer that over me.  Then I was jealous because being 12 was a nightmare for me.  But then I was just happy for him.  I'm glad he has things like that to look back on and smile.  When he tells me about them I can't help but smile.  My childhood made me never want kids.  Ever.  But knowing it could be so good... maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be a parent.  I could give my kiddo the childhood I never had.  Maybe doing so would make me feel better about my own childhood.  If I have a daughter we are totally making hopscotch out of duct tape on the carpet when it's too cold to play outside.  I've just always wanted to do that.  Maybe I'll do it anyway, just for me!!  How do you decide if you want a baby?  It's such a HUGE decision!!  I can barely decide if I dare to quit my job and get a new one because it's so long term... ha!
Speaking of childhood... when I was little we moved into a dingy old apartment.  I think I was four or five and the only thing I remember was the way it smelled.  It smelled like wet paint, but I didn't know it was that.  I remember my mom freaking out about a cockroach so I always thought the smell was the the smell of cockroaches.  So now every time I smell paint I think of cockroaches.  They are painting at my work... I have been paranoid all week!!
My husband's team plays my dad's team on Sunday.  Playoffs.  Loser is out of the running for the Superbowl.  My life is a little intense right now.  My dad has threatened to drop Josh if he gets in his face... it's about to get real people.  Call me crazy but I am thinking about letting my lover go to the sports restaurant alone... I don't think I can take the death stares across the table.  And I know he will be making me wear a Bears jersey.  He already told me I have to root for the Bears... apparently it was in the wedding vows.
My hands are hot pink from dying fondant last night.  Awesome.  Seriously, it kind of pretty.  In a your-hands-look-freakishly-burned kinda way.
My teacher wants to show the class how to roll a vein off a tendon tonight using my arm.  Oh good, it hurts so bad that wearing long sleeves kill me and you want to press your thumb into it and roll it around.  I can't wait... But!!  Those who know what they are doing (me) are allowed to bring home needles tonight to practice!!  We're friends right?  Can I practice on you?
I'm not very thrilled this morning... the gym opened 20 minutes late!!  I am canceling and going somewhere else.  This place is closed way too long for holidays, they open late, I was late for work... blah!!  I even HAD to wash my hair this morning so it was the worst day for them to do this.  I hope they don't try to make me pay the $200 cancelation fee.  I will freak out.  4 miles 38:14