are you sure it's monday?

I am feeling... like a whiner today.  My first marathon is just over a month away and I don't feel prepared.  Maybe because my last long distance day was so bad.  Maybe it's because I skipped this weekend's distance day.  I had good reason to skip it, but if I am being honest I was scared to do it in the first place.  And even with a good reason to skip it, I am still mad at myself because I now have two weeks before I start to taper.  I can't be skipping training sessions right now.  I have worked soooo hard the last few months getting ready and the last couple weeks I've been slacking a bit.  I don't know if I am getting scared or burned out, but I need to get it together.  My written final for school is tonight and my practical is Wednesday and then I am done with school until at least May.  I am hoping a little more down time will make getting up at 4 am to run a little easier.

Saturday was so nice.  Josh decided to take the day off of work to hang out with me!  Time together sounded too good so I decided to do my 17 miles on Sunday.  We slept in until 8:00 then I got up and worked on a cake, showered, picked up our Bountiful Basket together, then I took Jamie her birthday present while Josh showered.  Then we headed to the gun show.  I do not mean that in the corny way, like "Do you have tickets?"  There was really a gun expo and it was sooo cool!!  They had old war weapons and all kinds of cool books and knives.  We bought 50 round clips for our .22s and walked around for about two hours.  We finally used our Christmas giftcard for Rickenbackers for lunch.  I almost died when I tasted their artichoke dip.  Then we went to about the tenth grocery store looking for my favorite hot sauce.  It was the last one on our list to try before caving and spending as much on shipping as the freakin hot sauce costs.  And they had it!!  I embarrassed my husband by buying every bottle they had.  Super sweet!  Seven bottles will last me at least a month.  And then I bought some girl scout cookies.  You might say it was the most successful shopping trip in the history of the world.  After a nap we headed to a BBQ for Jamie and two other friends' birthdays.  It was a lot of fun.  Spring is finally coming.  I heart BBQs.  We got home around midnight and I worked on a cake until two in the morning. 
When the alarm went off at 5 (really 6 because of the time change) I couldn't get out of bed.  I decided to run after my class at 1:00 and delivering a cake at 3:00.  I need to stop procrastinating because this NEVER happens.  The class was supposed to be an hour but it turned into two.  I was late delivering the cake and when I left my dad called as we were headed to the hockey game.  My nanna hadn't woken up for three days and she was down to her last few hours.  I dropped Josh off at his mom's and told him I'd meet him at the ice sheet after I said my goodbyes.  Her last few hours turned into her last hour and she passed away shortly after I got there.  She lived over ten years passed her life expectancy they gave her over a decade ago.  She was in pain and it was time.  But that doesn't make it any easier.  Seeing my aunt cry that she doesn't have a mom anymore, and my younger cousins wiping their smiling faces with tissue because they don't really understand it but they see us doing it.  The hardest part for me was when my grandpa sat her up to hug her and finally broke down after being so strong while we all cried.  I couldn't imagine losing the love of your life.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  As hospice got there to take care of things I realized for the first time in most of his life he'd be sleeping alone.  Death is hard and I've never seen anybody pass.  It's sad, but it is for the best.  She isn't in pain anymore.  It was amazing to see the difference in her body... all her wrinkles were suddenly gone and she finally looked like she was at peace.  After such an emotional night getting out of bed for work was almost too much to handle.  I couldn't bring myself to do it two hours early to run.  Maybe tomorrow.

After such a great day and a half and hard couple of hours the weekend seemed nonexistent.  I'm pretty sure it's not really Monday and this is just a scam by corporate America to get ahead.  I was supposed to study all day Sunday.  That obviously did not happen, so I am not feeling prepared for my final tonight.  I don't feel prepared for my final, my marathon, to start another cake tomorrow... But I'll keep pushing through.  After Sunday I will be done with school, don't have a cake for quite a while, and I can focus on training and being a better wife.  You should see our house right now... or anytime in the last three months.  I feel bad for my husband.  I'm home long enough to make a mess, but never clean.  Letting go of being a clean freak has been rough, but I am not there enough to let it really bother me.  My husband sees it all the time.  That guy sure lucked out when he married me.  It must have been for my sense of humor!  On a happier note, last night he told me he is getting my Garmin Forerunner for me for my birthday.  Maybe that is the motivation I need to get my butt in gear... If I want cool running gear I better put my body to work and show I deserve it.  That little slacker stayed home from work today.  I'm super jealous.