new blog

I haven't been loving blogger lately.  I am not sure why.  A lot of it is probably that it is blocked at work so I can't really do much with it.  I am not huge on the templates.  I dunno... I guess it just got old.  Maybe it's like my candy thing... I have a new favorite every year or two.  I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm breaking up with Blogger.  I do have a new favorite blog "flavor" though so come check me out here!!

at least I didn't get shanked

"love" written backwards with a sparkler last fall.  I miss warm weather!

I got up this morning on my own without an alarm clock.  The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, it was 75 degrees.  I ate my normal pre-run fuel of bread with PB and headed out.  Every second of every mile for all twenty miles was butterflies and marshmellows and I basically pranced the whole way.  When I got home my sweat smelled like roses and there wasn't a single pain anywhere on my body.  And my dogs had cleaned up the five months of crap all over my back lawn.

Not.

My alarm went off for a half hour before I crawled out of bed and recited every swear word I know.  I opened the fridge and we have no bread to I had to scrounge up something else to fuel with, wondering if I was going to barf two miles in.  It snowed yesterday because Mother Nature is a jerk so I decided to do my run on the treadmill.  I was excited, because I actually do like the treadmill.  That is until I got there and the two freaky lookin' ladies on the treadmills next to me were discussing the "bitch they beat half to death" and how furious they still were today.  I knew I should have worn my bullet proof vest.  Lucky for me I never made it to two miles to see if I barfed.  I was at .85 when my hip told me to get bent and it was done running for the day.  Awesome.  I took all week off, and it still hurts.  Pretty please get better by April 16.  Since I have been wanting to do cross training for about three months now anyways, because I KNOW it helps prevent injuries but I have just been too lazy, I decided to do that.  I did five miles on the bike then lifted weights for 40 minutes.  It actually felt really good, and I wish I could get my butt out of bed to do it regularly like I want to.  I guess if I am still hurting next week I will just do that instead of running.  Then I got home smelling horrible and realized the chocolate milk went bad two days ago, I ache all over, and I still have all winters worth of dog crap to clean up.  Yay me.

I am very thankful for last week.  I am still feeling confident that I can do this and feeling really good about my training, thanks to last weeks 18 miler going so great.  I just hope my hip isn't still hurting me on race day.  Even if it decides to hurt up until the day before I will forgive it.  But I really don't want to hobble 26.2 miles.  I would love it if my very first marathon wasn't horrible.

pain

The soreness in my hip turned to horrible pain last night.  I am pretty freaked out, and I really want to run.  I haven't ran one time this week.  I won't run tomorrow because it's the day before a 20 miler.  I hope I don't die when I try to run after not running for so long.  Last long run of this training session!!  It feels so, so good.  Three weeks seems like such a long time to taper, I was thinking two would be plenty.  I thought about doing a 22 a week from Saturday but after all this pain and soreness I have decided not to.  You'd think less running would mean less food and less sugar.  I should probably eat some more of these veggies, and a little less girl scout cookies, but the voices in my head do not agree.  I had an oreo shake with dinner last night.  The voices said I had to if I wanted to live.

wednesday

If this isn't Heaven I don't know what is.  York, baby.  I've been addicted lately.

Is it really only Wednesday??  This week hasn't been too bad.  One of the contractor employees ran out of work so she has been at my desk working with me, doing some things I haven't had time to do.  She is my age and really cool.  I have a work buddy!  This has never happened.  Usually I'm surrounded by people twice my age, and mostly they come from the male species.  Exotic, right?

I am pretty bummed about training this week.  It is my last high mileage week and I am sucking it up.  I was supposed to do 8 today but the knee is still swollen.  It doesn't hurt so I should probably just do it, but I am so scared to get injured.  I'm ready to kill this marathon.  I am so excited for it!  I'm sure you can't tell, I rarely ever talk about it...

I have a paranoia with locking doors, windows, etc.  Every.  Single.  Time.  It's an OCD thing.  So bad that I lock myself out quite often.  Yesterday before work I was scraping snow off my car.  On my way home I had the sun roof open and I was sweating.  I love Utah.  I somehow managed to forget to close the sun roof.  The first time I ever do this is the first time in six years I haven't been able to park in a garage.  Really?  If there is one thing I always get right, it is timing.  My mom had two days to move out of her place and needed somewhere to store her things.  My garage is full so until April 1st I will be parking in the driveway.  I have gotten too used to being spoiled.  My car has been miserable every day this week.  Especially today.  And you can't go out and start your car in your underpants without your garage shielding you from the outside world.  I guess you could.  But I hear it's frowned upon.  Society is so touchy.

18 miles makes me too lazy to blog

For three days apparently.  18 miles in 3:14:38!  My goal was three hours, but I forget that it takes so much longer when I have to stop for lights.  It'll be nice when I have my Garmin and the timer stops when I do.  This run was GREAT!  I felt horrible when I woke up.  My back was achy and I really thought about just staying home.  It's harder for me to get motivated when my husband is home too.  I'd rather lay in bed with him all day.  I made myself go and told him to expect a call soon to come get me if it hurt too much.  As soon as I was on the road all pain was gone!  The first 16.5 miles were cake.  I felt like I could run allll day long.  I stopped and got water around the half way point and I thought I'd be good to go until I got home.  About a mile and a half out I stopped to get water.  I don't know if it was stopping, or if it was the gas stations fridges being as cold as Texas in the summer time, but I had the hardest time getting going again.  I was craving an ice cold water and I got handed room temperature crap.  I almost gave up at that point but I had to finish.  If I could run that far I could finish.  I had to walk way too much and I wanted to cry, but I made it!!  I made it in high, freezing winds with warm water.  18.1 miles.  I am definitely feeling pretty good about the marathon.  I would be feeling better if I was sticking to training more, but it's been rough.  My knee was pretty swollen on Sunday and Monday so I decided to take an extra rest day.  It was still swollen this morning and I am too scared of injury at this point so I decided to wait some more.  It looks a lot better today though and I'm thinking I'll be back at it in the morning.  This is my last high mileage week and then I start my taper.  20 miles this Saturday and after that it's all easy.  I got this.  My goal for the 20 miles is 3 hours again.  If I can do 20 in three hours I should be able to do the last 6.2 in an hour. 

After this first marathon I am going to start doing some speed and tempo training until the next marathon.  That way I can get my speed up and make each marathon faster than the last.

One of the biggest things I was excited about having time off for is wife-ing.  Sunday I really cleaned our house for the first time this year.  I only had time for the kitchen, dining room, and living room which is pretty sad.  This weekend I'll be doing everything else, and SCRUBBING everything down.  I even made my lover a nice spaghetti dinner with some huckleberry wine.  It's nice feeling productive and helpful again.  I guess I should probably wash my hair today and I may as well scrub my shower while I'm in there.  Or we will just hire a maid.  I'm fine with either.

Yesterday I was eating breakfast--a banana with PB.  My friend Ken walked up and said it was nasty and he'd never seen anybody do that before.  I am convinced he lives under a rock.

For the first time in four years I have a real supervisor.  It freakin' blows!  I have been my own boss for so long, I know what I am doing and what needs to be done.  I come when I am supposed to and leave when my shift is over.  It's been fabulous.  Starting this week I feel like I am being babysat, I have to check in, I have to explain to her what I am doing, and I get checked on a few times a day.  I know I am being a whiner.  Big time.  Most people have to deal with having a boss.  It's just that I haven't had to and now I feel like I did something wrong to deserve this.  I feel like I'm being attacked each time she asks me what I've done for the day.

Anybody wanna make bets on my finishing time on April 16?
If you say under four hours I will luff you forever.

Do you put peanut butter on your fruit too?
Always.  Breakfast every morning is fruit and PB.

Do you like your job?
I haven't for about two years now.

self image

via
There was a picture similar to this in my Runner's World magazine, except it was a man and the picture was a cartoon.  Same idea though.  It made me smile because it's so true.  I liked it so much that I cut it out and hung it on my mirror to remind myself to stop being so hard on myself.  It's not just weight either.  It's acne, the size of my nose, the whiteness of my skin, the length of my hair... whatever.  It can be ANYTHING.  We are all too hard on ourselves!!  Let's all be positive!  Comment and tell me something you love about yourself today!!

I'm feeling a lot better today.  I've cheered up quite a bit.  Maybe it's knowing that it's Friday, but whatever it is, it's working.  I'm so excited for my run tomorrow.  I'm a little nervous because I'm a sissy about the cold.  55 degrees sounded decent, but now it's supposed to be really windy.  Temperatures are getting up there and I am so thrilled for Spring!  Today I get my hair done and then I am running to the local bakery to put in for a contest to win a free entry into the Ogden Marathon!  I really want to do this one, but they are already full, so this is my only chance.  I'll probably stop and grab a coffee too because my favorite coffee place is right down the road.  I don't see what the big deal is about Starbucks...  I don't really care for it.  Then I get to go visit my friend Ashley and her sweet little boy.  Terrible twos are coming up so I better visit while he's still an angel.  I bet I'd feel better about having a baby if my husband would take care of it until it's around four or five.  All babies hate me.  Toddlers are my best friends.  Maybe it's because I'm a four year old stuck in an adult body?  When I get home tonight my lover has a surprise planned for me!  Surprises are my favorite.

Saint Patrick's Day was a lot of fun!  We went to the bar and hung out for a couple hours.  The Budlight aluminum cans were green with clovers on them, and I vote they sell them like that daily.  They were so much cuter!  But we all know I was just there for the food.  Black bean and chicken nachos baby!  Does anybody else hate when they call them nachos, but all they have is grated, melted cheese?  Give me some NACHO cheese!

Happy Friday!  Why do you love Fridays?
What do you love about yourself?
What did you do for Saint Patrick's Day?
What's your favorite coffee shop?

I lied

I lied to you.  Me running 5.5 miles in 32:29 is ridiculous.  I meant to say 42:29.  My goal was 42:30 for five miles, so I am still stoked.  32 woulda been cool though.  One day.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!  I love love love this holiday.  I buy a new pair of socks to celebrate each year.  I am obsessed with the color green, so I assume everybody wearing green is just for me, no?  And I am married to a leprechaun.  I mean a man with Irish heritage.  Whateva.  Same difference.  When I call him leprechaun I'm pretty sure he wants to choke me just a little.  I can see it in his eyes.  Mmmm I love that red head.

I finished school last night!  Actually I finished Monday, because all I did yesterday was eat pizza and three cookies.  A girl from class brought in cookies shaped like blood collection tubes.  Appetizing right?  I thought so.  And they were soooo good.  I wanted to make a cool cake, but I am too busy.  I applied for the radiology program so if I get in I will be starting on May 12th.  Keep your fingers crossed for me mmmkay?

I am really trying to cheer up today.  I have been in a funk for about a week now.  I don't even want to eat lately which is extremely weird.  Food is usually the equivalent of air to me.  I couldn't figure out why, but I realized this morning it's probably my hormones.  I've been on birth control so long that my body is probably wondering what the freak is going on.  That and watching my Nanna die.  It's not so much that she is gone as it is just seeing a death happen.  I have a major phobia of death.  I wouldn't go in my room until somebody got my iguana outta there for me.  I bawl at funerals, even if I've never met the person and am only there for support.  I thought seeing somebody actually pass would kill me too.  It did not.  It was very calm.  I did want to throw up, but that was the emotions.  I didn't think it would effect me so much, but I think I am slightly traumatized.  Between those two things and everything I've got going on I am just wearing myself out.  I have a nice long break though to get my head back on track and I am so excited!!

I did not get my butt outta bed this morning so I will be running home from work which sounds like more fun to me anyways.  5.1 miles.

if you're gone, maybe it's time to come home

Spell "stressed" backwards and it will tell you the answer to cure all stress.  Or at least make you happier.  I might still be stressed when I eat this baby, but you better believe I'll be smiling!  Running is my second favorite stress reliever.

This morning I woke up at 7:11.  I am supposed to be to work at 7:00.  I have been late three times this week, i.e. every day.  So I flew outta bed, tossed my toothbrush, paste and face wash in my purse and brushed my hair on my way to work.  I got here at 7:22.  I've got skills.  And everybody knows brushing your teeth and washing your face in the bathroom at work is super classy.  I tried new sleeping pills last night and they made me so hyper.  The makers probably assume you'll take more until you fall asleep, meaning you have to buy more.  Well played.  Except I didn't take more because I am a sissy and didn't want to die.  I was up all night.

Running felt good yesterday, but only mentally.  My body hates running in the afternoon.  It's peak running time is around nine in the morning, right after I roll outta bed.  But 4 am is better than 4 pm.  All I ate before running was a salad, no carbs, because I didn't plan on running after work.  The first two miles were hell, the rest was cake and I even sprinted the last half mile.  Matchbox 20 came on my iPod at the start of mile three and the line "If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home" made me think of my Nanna.  A few days before she passed away she told us that she could see all her relatives that had already passed and they were asking her to come home.  I instantly started bawling and cried the whole way home.  It felt good.  I felt like she was with me.  It was definitely my scrambled brain, but I am going to blame getting lost on the tears blurring my vision.  Lost again.  Who does that?  So I ended up doing an extra half mile.  5.5 miles in 32:29 baby!  My goal was 5 miles in 32:30.  I beat it by a second and did an extra half mile.  When Jamie runs she keeps gum under her tongue because her mouth gets so dry.  Mine is so much the opposite that I am choking on my spit and spitting every 30 seconds.  Does anybody else have this problem?  I really need to work on a marathon playlist... I have five songs on my iPod that I actually like to run to.  One month from today I will be running through Salt Lake City either having the time of my life or wondering what the hell I was thinking!!

My maintenance guy at worked stopped me on my way out yesterday to let me know they'd be sure to have my heater installed by summer.  Oh good, just when I need it...  I guess four years late is better than never, but after it being 14 degrees at my desk this winter I had the urge to punch him.  A voice in the back of my head mentioned something about professionalism so I refrained.

Today is my last night of school!  Pizza party baby!!  Then I have a month and a half for training, wife-ing, and getting organized.  I've got big plans, including redoing my blog.  Isn't this font obnoxious??  I would have changed it, but they blocked blog edits at work and I never have time at home.

peanut butter filling

I took this at work when Josh and I were first dating and he asked for a picture of me.  I look so normal in it.  That's because I'm good at acting.  My hair is FINALLY getting long too.  It's only taken two and a half years.

Last night was my final for phlebotomy.  The written was 304 questions... I missed 11.  ELEVEN.  Running the risk (guarantee?) of sounding very full of myself, I am awesome.  Seriously.  I really surprised myself!  Our practicals were supposed to be tomorrow but since I finished so fast I did mine last night.  30/30.  100%!  Yay!!  If you'd like to have blood sucked from your veins, or feel like choking on something and getting CPR then I'm your girl.  I think there were only four of us that passed the written.  The written was full of useless information that wasn't really necessary, so that's not a big deal.  Well it is because they need to pass to be certified, but you know what I mean.  But what is scary are the ones who failed the practical.  I hope you never get them if you need your blood drawn.  One girl pulled the bevel out, so the tip of the needle was still in but the seal was broke, so blood was pouring out.  She stood there calmly and said, "Why is it doing that?"  Maybe ask that AFTER your remove the needle and stop the blood flow?  Just an idea.  It's such a relief to be done!  I start my externship in May and I will be officially certified!

For the cake I delivered Sunday it was chocolate with peanut butter filling.  I am in love with peanut butter already, but this stuff... mmmmmm.  I might have drank some of it.  I am still trying to think of a way I can ship a cake to Reeses without having it get destroyed.  This is something she probably needs to have, plus I like to share cake with people that make me laugh.

I had a cake order due this Sunday that I was starting tonight but they just called and canceled because they don't have the money.  This should make me sad, but I am freakin' thrilled!  I don't know if it's the time change or sleep issues, but I could not get up this morning.  I got up and went to the fridge to make toast and PB and couldn't make myself do it.  But I did realize that it was not my motivation.  I have thought I just didn't want to run.  This morning I wanted to cry because I wanted to run so bad, I just couldn't do it.  So I went back to bed bummed about not being able to make up yesterday's miles on my rest day today.  No cake means I can go running after work.  After work means it's light outside so I don't have to go to the gym.  It's supposed to be 60 degrees baby!  And rainy, but who doesn't love the rain??

What is your favorite flavor of cake and cake filling?
I loooove chocolate with cream cheese or PB and white with raspberry.

Do you like the rain?
I love the sound of it on the roof of my car.  It sounds like growing up when it would hit the roof of our trailer (insert white trash joke here.)

are you sure it's monday?

I am feeling... like a whiner today.  My first marathon is just over a month away and I don't feel prepared.  Maybe because my last long distance day was so bad.  Maybe it's because I skipped this weekend's distance day.  I had good reason to skip it, but if I am being honest I was scared to do it in the first place.  And even with a good reason to skip it, I am still mad at myself because I now have two weeks before I start to taper.  I can't be skipping training sessions right now.  I have worked soooo hard the last few months getting ready and the last couple weeks I've been slacking a bit.  I don't know if I am getting scared or burned out, but I need to get it together.  My written final for school is tonight and my practical is Wednesday and then I am done with school until at least May.  I am hoping a little more down time will make getting up at 4 am to run a little easier.

Saturday was so nice.  Josh decided to take the day off of work to hang out with me!  Time together sounded too good so I decided to do my 17 miles on Sunday.  We slept in until 8:00 then I got up and worked on a cake, showered, picked up our Bountiful Basket together, then I took Jamie her birthday present while Josh showered.  Then we headed to the gun show.  I do not mean that in the corny way, like "Do you have tickets?"  There was really a gun expo and it was sooo cool!!  They had old war weapons and all kinds of cool books and knives.  We bought 50 round clips for our .22s and walked around for about two hours.  We finally used our Christmas giftcard for Rickenbackers for lunch.  I almost died when I tasted their artichoke dip.  Then we went to about the tenth grocery store looking for my favorite hot sauce.  It was the last one on our list to try before caving and spending as much on shipping as the freakin hot sauce costs.  And they had it!!  I embarrassed my husband by buying every bottle they had.  Super sweet!  Seven bottles will last me at least a month.  And then I bought some girl scout cookies.  You might say it was the most successful shopping trip in the history of the world.  After a nap we headed to a BBQ for Jamie and two other friends' birthdays.  It was a lot of fun.  Spring is finally coming.  I heart BBQs.  We got home around midnight and I worked on a cake until two in the morning. 
When the alarm went off at 5 (really 6 because of the time change) I couldn't get out of bed.  I decided to run after my class at 1:00 and delivering a cake at 3:00.  I need to stop procrastinating because this NEVER happens.  The class was supposed to be an hour but it turned into two.  I was late delivering the cake and when I left my dad called as we were headed to the hockey game.  My nanna hadn't woken up for three days and she was down to her last few hours.  I dropped Josh off at his mom's and told him I'd meet him at the ice sheet after I said my goodbyes.  Her last few hours turned into her last hour and she passed away shortly after I got there.  She lived over ten years passed her life expectancy they gave her over a decade ago.  She was in pain and it was time.  But that doesn't make it any easier.  Seeing my aunt cry that she doesn't have a mom anymore, and my younger cousins wiping their smiling faces with tissue because they don't really understand it but they see us doing it.  The hardest part for me was when my grandpa sat her up to hug her and finally broke down after being so strong while we all cried.  I couldn't imagine losing the love of your life.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  As hospice got there to take care of things I realized for the first time in most of his life he'd be sleeping alone.  Death is hard and I've never seen anybody pass.  It's sad, but it is for the best.  She isn't in pain anymore.  It was amazing to see the difference in her body... all her wrinkles were suddenly gone and she finally looked like she was at peace.  After such an emotional night getting out of bed for work was almost too much to handle.  I couldn't bring myself to do it two hours early to run.  Maybe tomorrow.

After such a great day and a half and hard couple of hours the weekend seemed nonexistent.  I'm pretty sure it's not really Monday and this is just a scam by corporate America to get ahead.  I was supposed to study all day Sunday.  That obviously did not happen, so I am not feeling prepared for my final tonight.  I don't feel prepared for my final, my marathon, to start another cake tomorrow... But I'll keep pushing through.  After Sunday I will be done with school, don't have a cake for quite a while, and I can focus on training and being a better wife.  You should see our house right now... or anytime in the last three months.  I feel bad for my husband.  I'm home long enough to make a mess, but never clean.  Letting go of being a clean freak has been rough, but I am not there enough to let it really bother me.  My husband sees it all the time.  That guy sure lucked out when he married me.  It must have been for my sense of humor!  On a happier note, last night he told me he is getting my Garmin Forerunner for me for my birthday.  Maybe that is the motivation I need to get my butt in gear... If I want cool running gear I better put my body to work and show I deserve it.  That little slacker stayed home from work today.  I'm super jealous.